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I thought we had plenty of time

I was fooling myself

Thinking the snow man I built would weather the changes

But now I am erased

Just a puddle with a wet scarf

No longer a daughter if she doesn’t remember me

I wanted more time to be me before I was an orphan

More technically I am motherless

In a single moment I am evaporated

She was talking about me but I was in the room

Sitting on her bed like a ghost

Reminding her that I loved her

She thanked me

I wonder why certain things stick with her in that dementia brain

“It’s good the dog’s not fat”

“I worked with her when I was teaching”

“Your father forgot to take out the trash”

“She’s always stealing my favorite sweater”

But my importance

The essence of being a daughter is lost

Once apart of her body

But now, time slips through my fingers

The soft whooshing and delicate feeling almost a tickle

She was a placeholder for “Mother” for a long time

I didn’t rely on her for comfort or advice

Her counsel was not sought

She was too difficult a personality to navigate so I used distance as a buffer

But at least she was someone I could point to

A living example of my lineage

Proof of where I fled from

But she is not mother anymore

And I am not daughter

It's a blip on my personal resume

I hope at least I was a good one

She used to joke that she was disappointed I wasn't a better shopper

Since she was a champion at it

She told me once when we were disagreeing that “I don’t know where you came from. You are so different from me.”

I came from you, Momma

Different terms define me now

Wife, step mother, Dog mom, artist, writer, friend, sister

Mother and daughter

Their time has expired

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